I know I am not the first one to do it. I know I am lucky I was able to even do it. I know in a few weeks it will feel normal and these feelings will be nothing but a bad memory. I know we will have a new routine – one where I try to drag out every waking minute we have together – instead of absentmindedly letting precious minutes pass us by. I know it is what is best for our family right now. I know… it isn’t the end of the world, it is just the end of one chapter in my life and the beginning of another.
Today is my last day at home with Annabelle. It is my last day to just be Annabelle’s Mom. Tomorrow I become Annabelle’s Mom and a first grade teacher. It is a role that I honestly did not want to take on for quite some time. But life called and the reality is that both Mommy and Daddy need to be working right now. Maybe someday I will be home again with my girl… and possibly another little H… but for now, my presence is more valuable in the workforce.
Annabelle fell asleep with her face against mine. It’s like she knows our time together is ending. Melt my heart little Bellie.
I am going to miss waking up together in the mornings. I am going to miss nursing her in bed. I am going to miss our coffee/playtime at the kitchen table. I am going to miss dumping all of her toys out of the basket together – and then chasing her as she crawls after the tv remote or kitty cat. I am going to miss how she rubs her eyes when she is ready for her first nap. I will even miss how she cries a little before she falls asleep… I could break down every moment of our daily routine. The one we’ve had since she was born 7 1/2 months ago. Every little moment that I will cherish forever – especially when she is all grown up.
I am worried about so many different things. What if she refuses to eat? She has never gone a whole 8-9 hours with only a bottle. What if she is scared? What if she gets hurt? I am going to be over 30 minutes away. What if she is overtired, crying, and no one can soothe her? My heart hurts just thinking about it… There are so many what ifs and no answers.
How has it already been 7 1/2 months since my sweet girl was born?
Call me dramatic, but tomorrow is going to be a long, sad day. I hope that she is happy, distracted, and has fun with her Coco – and I hope I am distracted, happy, and having fun preparing for the school year. Next week is going to be worse when we drop her off at baby school for the first time on Tuesday. B and I are going to bring her together. I already know I am not going to be able to hide my tears when I say goodbye.
Moms… how did you do it? How did you handle the sadness and anxiety of going back to work after having a baby?