The worst kind of fight happens between what you feel and what you know. Fears of the unknown are my biggest battle.
I woke up this morning to my first internal battle since our normal lives came to a screeching halt. As someone who has struggled with anxiety from to catastrophic thinking for years, I knew this was coming.
They say the worst kind of fight happens between what you feel and what you know. Right now I feel like I should stay positive, but I know we are in the midst of a pandemic. I’m having arguments with myself about how to react and what emotions I should allow to take over.
It’s a daily struggle to not cry when I read something scary. I know it’s healthy to allow tears to fall when you’ve overcome with sadness, but I worry. The reality of not knowing what our future may hold overwhelms me at times, but I’ve been able to stay above the fear.
Two weeks ago I thought everyone was overreacting as they stock piled their homes with food, toilet paper, and cleaning supplies. Were they right to prepare for the worst? Was I wrong to not join the manic crowd? I don’t know… I just think all of hoarding was a mistake, causing more feelings of panic among the most calm people. The way I process this: ignore the pessimism, gloom, and cynicism.
I can’t do anything to change what’s already happened, nor can I do anything to change what may happen tomorrow. What I can do is hope for the best and keep my family safe.
WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF COPING WITH FEARS OF THE UNKNOWN.
All I can do is be present in this moment, planning my day with educational activities and creating happy moments for my family. I can’t look towards tomorrow because it’s too scary and sort of blurry. Frankly, staying present is the only way I stay grounded.
For me, I do better when I avoid the negativity. The more I allow myself to think of what may happen to our society, the less control I have over my anxiety. Moving forward I will continue to live as I have been – finding reasons to laugh, dance, and smile.