Finding new friends when you’re a Mom isn’t all that easy, especially when you work from home. My daughters are the most important people in my life! I think there are a lot of reasons we all have trouble finding friends as a Mom, but one of the biggest is motherhood itself.
Let me preface this paragraph with a statement: I was one of those girls. Before I had kids I didn’t really understand motherhood. Movies make it look crazy, but movies exaggerate everything. How could a Mom not have time to exercise? Why don’t Moms have time to shower? What’s the big deal bringing your baby to a restaurant after 7pm? If your kid cries a lot, why don’t you just stay home more often instead of bringing them out in public? I literally asked all of these questions before I ever had a baby.
One of the hardest things about finding friends when you’re a Mom is connecting with someone who understands being a Mom.
Life is messy. Motherhood is filled with surprises and often unpredictable in a bad way. Scheduling kid-free hangouts can be HARD and trying to squeeze in an uninterrupted phone call might happen only once a month. There are plenty of gals without kids who won’t be bothered by the chaos, but there are also plenty of gals who just don’t get it.
This big factor – understanding motherhood – isn’t something you can ask someone up front. I’ve made lots of acquaintances who I really liked, but our relationship never evolved into a friendship because we had trouble making time for one another. Our conversations fell flat when we couldn’t relate to each other’s current stage of life. More often than not, we grew apart instead of closer together.
With all that being said, motherhood can also be the driving factor between friends. Parenting styles differ from Mom to Mom. One Mom’s belief in baby-led scheduling might not meld well with another Mom’s belief in strict routines. Women decide to have children at various ages and sometimes that difference is big enough to make an impact on compatibility. I can’t reiterate enough…finding Mom friends isn’t the easiest task.
My Experience with Finding Friends as a New Mom Living in a New Place
Let’s talk about trying to make friends when you’re a Mom living in a new place. I became a Mom in December 2013 after having Annabelle Claire at Northside Forsyth Women’s Hospital in Georgia. We had only been living in Georgia for six months and I had zero new friends. I remember my OB-GYN talking to me about the importance of Mom Friends at my postpartum appointment. My closest friends with babies lived over 800 miles away and phone conversations were great, but I was kind of lonely. My doctor advised me to make local “New-Mom” friends. I recall thinking, “Where does one find Mom friends?” only for her to recommend the hospital’s breastfeeding group. Not only was the weekly meet-up great for breastfeeding advice, but also a wonderful place to connect with Moms.
At three months postpartum, I finally attended my first Breastfeeding Group meeting (and it was only after my mother-in-law’s friend’s daughter asked me to go). Within weeks I had four incredible Mom friends who wanted to hang out during the day. They all wanted to talk about poop diapers, smelly breast milk, and mood swings. These Moms were going through the same crazy transition into motherhood as me! I got lucky – so very lucky to stumble upon a group of fantastic Moms when Annabelle was so little.
No Mom Should Ever Have to Experience Motherhood Without a Friend Who Know EXACTLY What She is Going Through
Not all of my Mom friends are local. Some of the amazing Moms I call my friends I’ve never met in person. These Moms I cherish were found through this blog – internet friends who don’t think twice if I were to send a middle of the night text about clogged milk ducts. I’m very grateful for the community blogging grants me access to – some Moms I meet are non-bloggers too. We all have one thing in common: Mommin’ ain’t easy.
Since moving back to my home state over a year ago, most of the Moms I spend time with are family members or old friends who recently joined the Mom-club. I’m really excited that we bought a house in a neighborhood with some awesome Mamas who I enjoy hanging out with! Other than that, I haven’t made any new Mom friends because it is just hard to put myself out there. Also, finding time to do anything but hang with family, work on this blog, and keep my house from looking like a war-zone is difficult.
The moral of the story is… Moms can make friends in all different ways, but it. is. hard. Maybe if all the Moms went to a Mom School once a week for a few hours could we meet new people. I’m not currently looking for new friends but I am sure there plenty of ladies out there living in a new town or just joining the Mom-crew who don’t have anyone to talk to. If you’re one of them – I’ll be your friend! Never hesitate to reach out on Confessions of a Northern Belle or IG, I always love to chat about the chaos that is motherhood!
Caitlin Houston is a Connecticut based life and style blogger.